| okay, i really just need to talk. so beware. you're stepping into my mind, and it's bound to not make much sense.
i'm tired of waiting for doors to open for me. God has revealed to me my purpose, my dream, why i'm here. it's my life's goal. i'm so ready, i'm so ready to just start it. i want to exist, i want to feel like i'm living. more than anything. i want to reach out to people, i want to be an influence for God. i'm committed to the call, i just need a door to open. i need somewhere to go. what am i missing? what am i supposed to be doing? my life consists of music. i love it, i live it. and so i've realized that through music, i'm going to reach kids like me. kids just like me who love music with an unexplainable passion. they live it. they can't tell other people why, it's just in them. but there's a difference. they don't have a hope. despite their attempts at finding peace and understanding and a way to fill the void in their lives, they can't find it. because they don't have Christ. i want more than anything to help open their eyes and touch their lives. i want to show them that there's a reason to wake up tomorrow. there's a life worth living. i'm so ready, God. what're you waiting for? i'm right here. take me. send me. i've been through so much in this life. i've been busy, i've been idle, i've been stagnant, i've been on fire. i've found friends, i've lost friends. i've been surrounded by people, and then i've been completely alone. i'm ready to step out. i want to dedicate my life to the ministry you've planted in my heart. it's there for a reason. help me make it a reality. help me to see the door, and open it without hesitation. i want to grow, i want to see that there's a reason i've been through everything afterall. you've prepared me. force me to step outside my box, and start something new. you promised that you have a plan for me, for those who are committed to the call. i'm surrendering my life and my heart and everything i am. so take it, and place me where you want me. i don't want to lay here thinking anymore. i want my thoughts to be my daily reality. i don't want to wake up thinking, "when will my door open?" i want to wake up every day thinking how you've brought me through the door and how you're going to work through that day. i'm tired. i'm really tired of doing nothing. my soul is just screaming for a cause... it's in my dreams, it's in my thoughts, is ee it every time i look at someone who's lost and wonder what torment they're going through. and how empty they must be. perhaps without even knowing their devastation. God, i'm just a girl. but even a girl can change the world. or maybe just one life. either way, i'd be happy. i just want to be sent. i want to begin. my preparation is building so much tension and anxiety. i don't know how much longer i can wait. forgive my impatience, but if it means anything, i really do believe i'm ready. take me away from everything i know and have become so comfortable with, if that's what it takes. my body's weak from waiting. and thinking. i want nothing more than to be yours and be a pillar of your love for all those people who are starving for it. they're loved, they're wanted. and they need to be shown. this is my prayer. amen. |
